Nothing Left to Lose
by Hazelcough
Summary: -Complete- Sakura’s life never seemed to fit into the framework of her family’s history. When a familiar stranger comes into her life, uncovering the reason why is a whole new journey. SxS. AU. First fic. Major editing needed x-x.
1. I Unaware

**A/N**: All the titles in this fic will be from My Favourite Highway lyrics or song names. I try to base chapter themes on the songs, but…life's not perfect.

SxS. Can't have it any other way.

None of these characters belong to me. I own nothing. Not even the words that compose the chapter titles. Depressing.

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre I - Unaware**

Sakura fiddled with her hands. A nasty habit, perhaps, but somewhat essential, like rinsing or coughing. She was in room D23 Philosophy again – and she was nervous. Not because of the topic; it was never because of the topic. Sakura never listened to the bombastic professor anyways

Nope. It was because of the figure next to her, whom she only dared peek at through her peripheral vision.

Fate, it seemed, had decided to pity Sakura. The school year in which Eriol's notorious crush left the country was the exact same school year in which Sakura met Eriol – in four classes. They became friends, with common interests and whatnot, but eventually, Sakura's feelings grew. And it became more awkward than she could bear.

Now, it was the middle of the semester, and Eriol was breathing and thinking next to her, in room D23 Philosophy.

Of course, Sakura would never admit her obsession…her feelings, whatever they may be. She was afraid of many things – rejection, loss, commitment, inexperience…a relationship. Yet she craved this very relationship more than anything else.

She could imagine his hands, working on some doodle or another next to her. But she didn't dare look over. Her own hands itched for her pen.

Sakura felt pathetic.

The early days of their friendship had far more eye contact and conversation. Now, Sakura would look away when he looked at her, for fear of examination. When he talked to her, she felt as if every zit on her soul was being exposed. And she was most afraid of her voice and the banal, bombastic nonsense that would come out of it.

After all, Eriol had many other friends who were smarter, prettier, and more socially apt than her.

But she had already admitted her feelings to her heart. It was too late to take it back. She had let it sink too far into her, and she was drowning.

"Sakura?"

Sakura froze, the electric buzz from earlier fading.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," she muttered, cringing at the sound of her own pubescent voice. "What was the question?"

She could hear Eriol chuckling slightly beside her, but she couldn't bring herself to smile back. Her smile, she had recently realized, distorted everything about her.

**[ - - - - - - **

Room D23 Philosophy was the last class of the day. So ended another eventless March 31st. Optimism was not in Sakura's inner list of virtues.

Yes, Sakura had figured out a long time ago that she had two different personalities. One buried deep inside, which hurt her every day, and one on her surface, trying to convince everyone that she was alright – people who were too out-of-it were sent to counseling, a place Sakura did not intend on going to. They would find out too much.

Her outer personality was quiet, yet happy. She tried to keep a smile on her face, and she tried to keep it real. Her outer self actually cared for the ones who dropped their books in the hallway. It feared tears.

The perfect juxtaposition of that was inside her.

As Sakura gathered up her books that day, her inner self broke free, however cliché that sounds.

Warm, wet tears dropped onto her philosophy textbook, titled "The Inner Mind". She almost laughed at the irony. But this was her time to reflect…in the empty room D23.

**[ - - - - - - **

"Why are you showing me this?" the Mother asked grimly, her voice dangerously low. "Why would I care? It's too late to do anything to please me now. You stole him away. YOU STOLE HIM AWAY. IT'S YOUR FAULT, AND YOU KNOW IT." The woman sank to the floor, breaking down. "…it's your fault…"

Sakura had been trying this every day for the past three weeks, but her form was nowhere near signed yet, and the Mother's signature was too complicated to forge.

Recently, it had become quite difficult to find the Mother in her normal state. Her condition seemed to be getting worse and worse, and Sakura wasn't sure how much longer she would last.

It had all started with the Father's suicide.

The Mother had told Sakura that it was her fault…so many times, in fact, that Sakura was starting to believe it. Sometimes, Sakura perversely wished that her father had left a suicide note…or even that the Mother had died instead.

After all, the Father loved her very much. The Mother never liked Sakura, as she took away the Father's love for the Mother. She took away a man's love for a woman. And that was not acceptable.

After the Father's suicide, friends of the family had all blamed the Mother. She would always confront him about his love for his daughter. "Isn't a daughter meant for us to love, Nadeshiko?" he would always say with a gentle smile. The Parents fought many times, the Mother always fueling the hate.

She went mad.

Her friends all agreed that she deserved it.

No one spared a single thought on the six-year-old, looking on with a blank stare.

No one ever did.

**[ - - - - - - **

"Sakuranee-chan!"

"Waaa, Kero-chan. You scared me there!"

Sakura turned from her homework to find her little cousin, Kero, in the seat next to her. She gave him a bright smile.

"Why are you always at the library, nee-chan?" Kero asked, playing around with Sakura's auburn locks. Sometimes, Sakura feared for his sexuality. She smiled warily.

"Because it's quiet."

"But, your house is quiet too! And big!"

Sakura let out a breath. Sure, her house was quiet. When the Mother calmed down, she usually sat in her overstuffed armchair and gazed emptily out the window. She could stay there for hours.

But it was the house – it scared Sakura to no end. She could see shadows everywhere…chains, bars, screeches, and crashes. They were all too real in there, and hopelessness was written all over her lifeless residence.

"It's the right soundtrack, Kero-chan…but the wrong film," Sakura whispered slowly, not wanting him to understand. It wasn't that no one would understand – she wasn't that angsty – it was that her confusion could not be shared. To bring that upon someone would be even more evil than the Mother's actions towards her.

That was another reason she could not approach Eriol.

**A/N**: Gasp. A slash pairing? Nope. I do not lie in summaries.

Also – Gasp. Weird family names. I thought the characters in this fic would be too OOC for a CCS fic. So, it became a TRC-ish fic, but with borrowed CCS characters. And in TRC, Sakura and Syaoran did not have family names of Kinomoto and Li.

Nevermind. The screwed up family names are purely for me and my obsession in making the plot fit.


	2. II Calendar Marks

**A/N**: Does Syaoran come in? You answer me.

Nothing has changed since a few days ago. I still own nothing.

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre II - Calendar Marks**

The next day was just that – another day. Days brought on weeks, months, and years. Years brought on age.

Sakura had lost track of her age years ago, after her mother ceased the birthday-gifting. Her guess was that she was 16, as that was the age of her peers. But deep in her mind, a sliver of a memory lingered that constantly flitted across her mind and deepened her doubts – "Just because you're younger, Sakura-chan, doesn't mean they'll ignore you. Besides, you've got me! Just hold your head up to the sun! He'll help you…" She had no idea who had said that to her, or if it were simply a dream; she still believed it.

There was also no way of confirming her birth date. On one of her many rampages, the Mother had disposed of (though Sakura did not know how) all of their records. Marriage license, birth certificates, identities.

Though those were simply paper documents, it was as if the Mother had erased the family's entire life; Sakura and the Father did not exist anymore in her mind.

Sakura signed, vaguely hearing the room A45 Homeroom teacher's introduction. A new student. Didn't they all just come and go?

Murmurs and whispers filled the room.

_I wonder why he's transferring so late in the year._

_Wow, look at those eyes!_

_Oh. My. Gosh._

_Isn't he the hottest thing you've ever seen?_

She felt a small breeze beside her, followed by the faint smell of cinnamon rolls. A vague switch was set off in her brain. Sakura spun her head around, locking eyes with the new student.

"Hello again, Tanaka-san." He smiled, and although Sakura Tanaka was sure she had never before seen this boy, his honest smile sent shivers down her spine.

**[ - - - - - - **

When the piercing bell signaled the end of A45 Homeroom, Sakura made a mad dash for the door. Her misaligned bangs dropped over her eyes, clouding her already-teary vision as she fled the classroom and the new student's intense gaze – it had been on her all period. It was instinct. She felt like prey, and without reason.

Unfortunately, her flight was put to an abrupt stop by another student, who just happened to be two yards in front of the door.

With a dull thud, followed by many crashes, piles of books and pens crashed onto the cold linoleum floor. Lead flew everywhere, and Sakura could've sworn something had cracked.

The next thing she knew, broad male hands were gathering up her things, and another set of even broader hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her gently off the ground.

Sakura lifted her face, bangs falling out of her eyes. She first saw the boy who made her heart go into hyperdrive; it was Eriol, flushing red with embarrassment and making good use of his time by rearranging her things into their original mess. The object that had cracked? His glasses, the lenses hanging off their wire rim.

She vaguely wondered why Eriol was in the A hallway – his homeroom was in F62, the building farthest away from building A.

That thought was quickly brushed out of her mind as her gaze traveled to the boy who had just removed his hand from her waist.

It was the new student.

He smiled again, honey eyes lighting up, as if helping a clumsy girl up from the floor had made his day. His expression was obviously awaiting a "Thank you", or something of the sort, but Sakura did not reward him the pleasure.

"Who are you?" she practically spat, making Eriol stare at her in a strange way. This boy made her lose control over her inner personality, mixing her two souls together. That could not happen.

"I'm sorry, Miss Tanaka."

"That does not answer my question," Sakura replied coldly. "No one here calls me Tanaka-san, or Miss Tanaka for that matter. Who are you?"

"Well, aren't first names strictly reserved for friends? Judging by your attitude towards me, I doubt we are on that basis anymore," the boy replied calmly, as if used to dealing with crazy females.

"Anymore?!" Sakura practically screamed. She earned herself a few stares and whispers. "This is America! Just answer the damned question!"

Eriol, who had not said a word, added his own thoughts on the matter: "Sakura, we're going to be late for class."

"STAY OUT OF THIS! Just go if you want to!" She barely registered the fact that she had yelled at her Eriol, whom just a few hours ago had made her throat dry with obsession. What was it about this boy? She was screaming at a complete stranger, all because he knew her name.

Deep inside her, she knew there was more.

The boy closed his eyes, still smiling the obnoxiously annoying smile of his. "Watashi wa…Hitsuzen desu."

Sakura's frown deepened. Her limited Japanese knowledge did not enlighten her on the fact that Hitsuzen wasn't a name.

"My name is Jun…Jun Toyama," he continued in English, smile finally fading into a line. "But Syaoran fits me more, as you once said."

With that, he walked away with smooth, confident steps, leaving Sakura and Eriol behind, both equally confused.

"You…you know that guy, Sakura?" Eriol said, voice slightly shaky.

Sakura couldn't answer.

The only mystery Sakura had solved was the reason why the teacher of A45 Homeroom had seated the new student next to her – Tanaka…Toyama.

_Go to hell, Romanji._

**[ - - - - - - **

Somewhere else in the populated hallway, amongst the running teenagers and rushed lovers, the new student opened his mouth again.

"The date is April 1st. Happy birthday, Tanaka-san."

**A/N**: I have a perfectly justified reason for making up a new name. Really, I do.

And see? My reason for changing last names appeared here too xP. Though it probably wasn't a very good reason.

But Syaoran's temporary name change HAS a good reason. Promise.


	3. III The Worst Way to Retaliate

**A/N**: Writing long chapters not my forte. So to make up for that, there'll be more updates. Since I like to keep the title and content relevant, I don't have much room to ramble.

Consider yourselves lucky.

Card Captor Sakura, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHOLiC, Magic Knight Rayearth, Wish, Chobits, Kobato, X/1999, Legal Drug, Legend of Chun Hyang, Clover, Angelic Layer, CLAMP School Detectives, Tokyo Babylon, Miyuki-chan in Wonderland, RG Veda, and a few more I haven't read, are all property of the wonderful ladies who make up CLAMP, me not being one of them.

(This is just to make my short chapter seem a bit longer.)

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre III - The Worst Way to Retaliate**

If he could use one word to describe the feelings he had in the pit of his stomach, it would be the word 'disgust'.

"You do know, Jun, that you are taking a huge risk."

"No, Saitou-sama. a person privileged with the Vision should put it to good use." _Especially if the girl involved happened to be important to you._

"Jun. Obedient. That's what your name means, boy," the older man spat, his anger making the room tremble and the guards wince. Master Saitou's anger brought pain upon everyone in the vicinity. It was his curse.

Just as Jun's curse was his obedience.

"The girl gave you a new name back then, didn't she? Even so, the Tanaka parents banned you from their presence. Do you not remember that? Do you not remember how much your own pathetic mother had to pay to erase the girl's memory?"

Jun remembered. In fact, he had to watch the entire process; the payment, the memory extraction, the damage to Sakura Tanaka's mind. He felt like tainting the marble floors with his insides.

Master Saitou sighed. "I cannot make you obey, boy. None of us with magic can affect each other. You remember that, I hope. I might make rash decisions in the near future, and then even your Vision will not save you. Pathetic, you are." Saitou stared at Jun in silence. Jun stared back, preserving the same tense air between them. "Your hair. It makes me sick. You look like some…runker…whatever you immature children call them these days."

He chuckled to himself, then dismissed Jun.

"You will not get away with defying hitsuzen, Jun Toyama. Surely someone with Vision could see that."

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura was frustrated.

Her face did not reveal any of it, however, as she typed in another query to an all-too-familiar search engine consisting of a double O. She was in the public library, after all. (If she weren't there, a computer would be dead by now. RIP.)

_"Watashi wa…Hitsuzen desu."_

The word hitsuzen responded with nothing useful, except references to a few manga series. It pretty much summed up to 'fate'. So did the crazy new student with the unusual presence feel like they were fated? Was this some sort of new Asian pick-up line?

Sakura had asked the Mother earlier about the word. She had gotten more out of it than she expected. At first, Webster's Collegiate Dictionary was thrown at her face. Then, as she was leaving, she barely caught the light whisper – "…crazy boy and his outrageous visions…go to hell, he should."

This barely proved the nagging suspicion in her mind that something important was being kept from her. Her life's painting wouldn't fit the frame.

**[ - - - - - - **

Eriol fingered the flimsy tickets in his hand, trying to make up his mind.

Sure, Sakura had acted very disturbingly earlier, but even he had to admit, the new student, Jun, wasn't normal.

His smiles gave Eriol a calming feeling inside, and when his golden eyes smoldered, you couldn't help but stare.

Eriol wondered if he was still straight.

"Eriol?"

Eriol turned to see Tomoyo. She had her jet black hair pulled into a high ponytail, leaving a few stands of her blue-streaked hair falling along her cheekbones. He never understood why a girl like her was best friends with Sakura Tanaka.

"Oh! Are those Obedience tickets?" she exclaimed, leaning in to flaunt on them. Eriol could smell her peculiar scent. Tomoyo Daidouji smelled like…purple. He decided to ask Tomoyo for a favour.

"Daidouji, help me. I'm going to the concert on Saturday. Would you go – "

"OH MY GOSH, ERIOL. Of course I'll go! Of course I'll help you not look like a complete loser at a concert by yourself!" she winked at him, giggling slightly. She craftily plucked one of the tickets out of Eriol's hand. With that, she skipped away, humming to herself.

Tomoyo's celerity to accept didn't allow Eriol the opportunity to finish his request.

"…ask Sakura if she would like to come with me…"

**A/N**: There will be no ExT pairing. With all the anti-canon things I have been doing, I feel responsible to keep at least one thing canon. And that thing is that Eriol is in love with Kaho, and Tomoyo is in love with Sakura.

Then again, maybe I'll be tempted. They're a side pairing, anyways.

I already have the next few chapters typed up. But I'd rather wait until people actually read the first few.

I won't force you to review. Or maybe I will.

I'm just taking up space again.


	4. IV Make it Come Alive

**A/Nclaimer**: I own nothing except …nothing.

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre IV - Make it Come Alive**

When she was 5 years old, Sakura was the proud owner of a small goldfish. She had named it Seol, after the sun. It was very important to her, even though now she couldn't recall who had given it to her.

Shortly after the Father passed away, when she was six, she had come home from school to find the Mother making shaky guttural noises over the small bowl in which Seol resided.

"Mommy?" she had squeaked out, afraid.

The Mother turned around, eyes red and violent, giving Sakura a view of the bowl. She had screamed.

Seol was floating at the top of what was left of the waterline, eyes and mouth opened to their widest extent. In the pit of its belly was a huge black bullet. The once-clear water had taken on a brown hue, much like the blood still trickling out of Seol's wound.

In the Mother's hand was a pistol. Sakura recognized it as the very same pistol the Father used to keep in the garage for safety. The Mother grinned widely, eyes flickering with hateful passion. She pointed the barrel of the gun at Sakura.

Sakura instinctively shrank into fetal position, tears flowing freely.

Instead of a gunshot, however, she felt a pair of warm arms envelop her. She wanted to pull away, but her body was frozen with fear, shock, and despair.

She heard the Mother above her, sobbing lightly into her hair.

"Gomen, Sakura-chan. I don't know what possessed me. What is happening to me?"

That was the first time Nadeshiko Tanaka had an episode. After the first time, they came more and more frequently, until she barely had more than an hour of time when she remained sane.

Sakura had shakily disposed of the pistol when the Mother retired to her armchair.

The friends who knew about the Mother's problem had all wondered why Sakura did not tell the police, or send her mother away. Sakura wondered as well. The secret remained a secret – not even the friends could tell. They physically couldn't tell. Whether it was an apparition or simply a twisted miracle, all of them eventually forgot all about the Tanakas.

Sakura was left to fend off the tax demons by herself.

Their small apartment's rent was covered by the Father's savings for 8 years. Then, at 14, Sakura Tanaka started to work.

**[ - - - - - - **

_"Junnii-chan, is your name really magic?" a small girl asked, green eyes curious. She was sitting cross-legged by a boy about a year older than her._

_"Yes, Sakura-chan. Otou-san used to say that names are important. My name was picked by the Master, Saitou-sama. Because I'm supposed to get cool powers, and they don't wanna see me running off to the bad people. So I'm 'obedient'. Everyone in our family is magic."_

_The girl thought this over for a few seconds._

_"That's not very nice. I've got no magic, but Okaa-san says things I don't want to obey, and I can choose! Nii-chan can't choose…" Her perpetual smile shifted into a grimace. Jun did not like seeing her sad._

_"Okay then, Sakura-chan. Give me a new name please."_

_Sakura's expression brightened. "Really, nii-chan? Can I?" _

_ "Of course! We're best friends forever, right?" He blushed at his own spontaneous confidence._

_"Right!" Sakura put her head in her hands, trying to appear as if she were deep in thought. Jun smothered a grin. "'Moyo-chan teached me some Chinese she heard when she was there. She teached me all the animals. I liked the doggie best, but the name sounds funny." She laughed. "Gou! Funny name!"_

_Jun smiled in spite of himself. He knew names were nothing to joke about. Sakura turned serious again._

_"Nii-chan, I think you're a doggie. Your hair is pretty like that, and your eyes always look like a puppy!" She frowned, not noticing his red face. "But I don't want you to be called Gou."_

_He thought about it for a second._

_"How about a wolf? I am a boy…"_

_"And nii-chan is the bestest fighter ever!!" Sakura finished. Jun felt his cheeks heating up again. He did that a lot around Sakura._

_"Sh… Sya…o…ran." She tried the word out, liking how it sounded. "Yeah, that's the word Moyo-chan told me!_

_"Huh? What's it mean?"_

_"Wolf, of course! Silly." She giggled. "It might not be right, but at least I won't bring nii-chan down when I call him Syaoran!"_

_"Syaoran…I like that."_

**[ - - - - - - **

_"Sakura-chan?"_

_"Yes, nii – I mean, Syaoran?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Okay. Don't worry, Syaoran! You can tell me anything!"_

_'You make me feel alive. Can I tell you that? No._ Touya would beat the living daylights out of me.'

**A/N**: Wow, flashbacks. I find these annoying, so I have no idea what possessed me to write this. Possibly giving some important information? Hint hint. If you haven't already figured that out.

Anyways, I'm not Japanese. So tell me if I'm wrong about name origins.

And Syaoran is not going to be Chinese in this fic. Because TRC Cloney Syaoran was not Chinese. (Just another excuse to not be canon.)

Anddddddd. Syaoran is NOT Sakura's brother. Nii-chan is just someone really really really really really x core close to you…

Which brings us to… where the hell is Touya?

One more A/N…

**Bonus Joke**: What's red and green and black all over? Not a watermelon! My Word document! Hahaha. No.

But really, you should see my Word document. There are more red and green lines than I can count.

Fragments for the win. - - - There's one.

Okay, I'll stop.


	5. V They Tried to Kill Chivalry

**A/N: **This chapter doesn't please me. It fits the plot, but I wish I knew of a better way to write it.

I don't own anything I write about, sadly. I'm not creative enough to create my own characters and go through the whole characterization process.

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre V - They Tried to Kill Chivalry…**

"…Reyes, Patrick, and Tanaka, Sakura." The A45 Homeroom teacher looked up from her list, eyes unseeing behind thick glasses. "I need your forms by tomorrow. If you don't get them in, you will not be able to participate in our Junior class trip next week."

"Actually, ma'am, I have mine."

"Tanaka?" The teacher looked at her, confused. "That's a nice change."

Sakura felt extremely peeved as she walked up to the teacher's desk to hand in the form. 'She didn't have to say that out loud. I'm quite aware that I never turn any forms in…' As she went back to her seat, she noticed something.

"Alice Hinkel," read the name plate on the mahogany. Sakura was sure she had once known her teacher's name…but why had she forgotten?

'Now that I think about it, I don't call any of my teachers by their name. I don't even remember their names!' Shaking away an uneasy feeling in the back of her head, she sat down again, frowning.

Syaoran watched the entire self-conflict with frustration. It was happening. It had been happening since she was five, but now the girl was realizing it, and it was getting worse. His fingers dug into the soft wood of his pencil. 'It's all my fault.'

The day before, after Tomoyo had discovered that the new student was none other than Jun Toyama, she had approached him in the gardens, scaring away what bired were left.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she had pryed.

"Tomoyo, nice to see –"

"Don't give me that crap, Toyama! What were you thinking?!"

"I wasn't –"

That's right, you weren't thinking." Her voiced quavered and her expression softened. "You know that she won't ever love you the same way. Ever since the surgery, she's been uncomfortable around your old trademarks…cinnamon…the colour green. Which is quite a problem, considering the colour of her eyes…" A half-sob penetrated her words. Tomoyo had smiled wanly and apologized.

But the truth was inevitable.

Sakura Tanaka was realizing that her mind was incomplete.

And he felt responsible; responsible for her broken family, responsible for the day she had half her brain dug out, and responsible for what was about to come. He had seen it coming, he had come back into her life, but it was too late to stop the inevitable.

**[ - - - - - - **

The next class of the day, much to Sakura's pleasure, was not one she shared with Jun Toyama – C12 World History. But that was probably because of the tiny fact that she was the only Junior in the Sophomore course.

Sakura had failed history last year; her tests were far from passing, as she did not seem to memorize things well. Even if she'd study over the course of a week, during the test, she'd always go blank. It became something the students of her class could bet on. Not that she ever knew any of their names.

For the first time in her entire school career, she felt safe going to a history class.

"Hey Sakura!"

Sakura looked to her left and saw a third year waving at her. She couldn't recall his name. Was it Brian? Ryan? Her feet kept moving.

"Hey," she replied with a forced smile as the boy caught up to her, too close to ignore.

"I can't believe it's been a whole year since we've talked!" He beamed. "Anyways, have you heard the news?"

'Whole…year?' "What news?"

"Your friend, Tomoyo, is going out with Eriol!"

'Tomoyo? Eriol?' "Oh! That's great for them," she replied, now believing that the boy was thoroughly insane. 'I don't have a friend named Tomoyo, do I? I don't think…I have any friends at all…'

"Oh, crap! We're going to be late, Sakura. Well, I'll see you around. It's kinda sad that we don't have any classes together this year."

"Yeah…it is."

The boy left for his class. Sakura's feet finally stopped, and she looked down. 'I don't know…anyone's name.' The bell rang, but she did not move.

'Is that why…even in my mind, I never refer to the Parents by their names? Do I even know their names?'

Small drops of water dotted the concrete walkway leading to the C building. 'Is it raining? Or are those all the tears I've never remembered crying?'

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura, are you alright?" Sakura found herself in an almost cynical situation. It was lunch time, and she was on the washroom floor, studying. Or at least trying not to think of her predicament.

A petite, amethyst-eyed girl with dark hair looked down at her with concern.

Sakura, in turn, stared up at her blankly.

"It's me, Tomoyo."

"If you were my friend, why would you need to remind me of your name?"

The girl, Tomoyo, giggled softly. "I thought it was weird as well, but that's what Syao- uhh Jun told me to do when I found you."

Sakura wondered how the cinnamon-scented, chocolate-eyed –

'Wait. Why do I remember his face more clearly than anything? How can I match his name to his face?'

_Otou-san used to say that names are important._

"His name…it isn't Jun, is it? It's Syaoran."

"Huh?"

"You taught me. That word. You taught me, didn't you, Tomoyo?"

"Sakura…"

"You know why this is happening to me, don't you?!" Sakura yelled, her voice reverberating off the bare washroom walls. She lowered it and sank her head into her arms. "He…he was important to me, wasn't he?"

Tomoyo signed dejectedly. "I'm sorry, Sakura." Tears barely visible on her pale cheeks, the girl ran out, leaving Sakura drowning in the mystery of her life.

**[ - - - - - - **

_"Otou-san?"_

_She had looked in every room; all of her father's usual hiding places. The girl wasn't used to the game lasting this long._

_She felt a small tug in her bladder._

_"I'll find you soon, Otous-san!" she piped, full of enthusiasm, at the lifeless house. "…after I go potty." The girl rushed into the nearest washroom – which happened to be her parents' – pulling the door in after her. As she walked to the toilet, she noticed a peculiar sound emanating from the showering room. _

_Drip. Drip._

_'Silly Okaa-san must have left the water on again!'_

_The girl skipped into the small room containing the shower. The curtains enclosing the bathtub were shut, as always. She pulled aside the images of rubber ducks and waves clumsily, and unconsciously reached for the faucet._

_Her hands hit flesh. And the girl screamed when she felt a warm liquid flowing over her hand. She didn't dare open her eyes._

**[ - - - - - - **

_The scene morphed into a dismal apartment setting, about a year prior._

**[ - - - - - - **

"Why did you have to send him away?" the man yelled angrily, something he rarely did.

"He told me that I was going to die! Doesn't that disturb you at all?! Or do you not even care that much for me anymore?"

The teenage Sakura looked around, wondering why the Mother was fighting with this man. She had never been the type to quarrel with strangers.

"Okaa-san?" The Mother ignored her.

"Everyone dies, Nadeshiko! He's only 6 years old! He might not've known what he was talking about."

"I made the right choice."

"That choice was not yours to make. She is only five. She could've had other ways to forget. Like her mother's love," the man replied dangerously.

'What is this man doing to the Mother? Why does she look so distressed, yet so…sane?' But either way, the stress was not good for the Mother's health.

"Excuse me, sir?" Sakura interjected, but was cut off once again.

"Look at her!" the man yelled, pointing to a small girl in the corner whom Sakura had not noticed earlier. "She's lost more than her memories of him! She's lost her spirit! This is your daughter…and…" He choked on his words.

'Daughter?' Sakura looked again at the girl on the wall, and her heart broke.

She was leaning on the wall like a rag doll, her eyes blank and emotionless. Yet a small, lifeless smile was pasted on her lips, making her look like a plastic toy.

"Why are you blaming me for this? You should be yelling at that boy or the surgeons who did this. Besides, this is probably just some after-operation side –"

"I never knew you were so heartless…you took the poor boy's mother away from him to pay the price for his one mistake. He's guided Sakura throughout her childhood. And the one vision he wrongly chose to share with you meant the downfall of both him and our daughter…."

The Mother put her hands on her head, shutting her eyes painfully.

"It's. Not. My Fault!" She sank to the ground, crying emotionless tears.

"I know you've never cared for Sakura. There's no use pretending." With that, the man walked out, leaving a shocked Sakura standing in a room that had existed ten years ago.

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura opened her eyes to find herself in an empty washroom.

'What…was that?'

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N: **Well, that was longer than usual.

Reviews appreciated. If not, that's okay too, because for some reason, I can't respond to them most of the time, and I feel bad D:.

So there. Chapter six should be up tomorrow if I feel up to it.


	6. VI But We Brought It Back

**A/N: **Halfway through! The first five chapters were of the "General" genre, and now the last five will be of the "Romance" genre. Or at least, I'll attempt it.

It takes time to develop characters that aren't even mine to begin with, sorry. I only own the big meanie.

**[ - - - - - - **

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre VI - …But We Brought It Back**

**[ - - - - - - **

"It was as the boy saw. Tanaka is losing her grip on her mind. The procedure is reversing itself; the girl will remember little about anything _except_ the one she was meant to forget when she had the operation. But even that will end soon. Her brain is too far gone to be saved." Saitou propped his head on his fist, staring blankly into space while twirling his wine around in the other hand. "Is this not entertaining, Yue?"

"Saitou-sama…" A white-haired man standing by Saitou's enormous chair shifted restlessly, not liking the progression of events.

"Yue, you have the power of Heal, do you not? You know all about the odds. Can the girl's life be restored?" Saitou queried, predicting the answer as he took a sip of his wine. He appeared to be bored.

Yue was not one to give up hope. "I…can't say."

Saitou yawned. "There has been no action yet. If that boy truly wishes to save her, we should be seeing some excitement soon. After all, the journey to recovery is a lot harder than the journey into the darkness."

"Couldn't you help them?" Yue asked, pained.

"She has nothing left to lose; nothing left to give. I have nothing to gain by helping someone like her. After all, the Tanakas have taken enough from us." He took another sip. "Toyama's mother was a very talented possessor of Slay. Losing her cost me a limb. Assassins these days expect a lot for a lousy job."

Yue knew that Saitou didn't give a damn about his comrades. Even though they shared the same curse, Saitou saw his curse as the worst. He believed himself to be the tragic hero when he was nothing but a coward, abusing the power of Anger to force others to obey.

"But if you don't help Toyama and the girl, you might lose him as well. He's very skilled with the Vision…and anyone can see that he loved – loves Tanaka-san."

Saitou smirked secretively. "But Tanaka-san doesn't love him back in that way, does she? She never has. This was why all memories of Touya were erased from her mind as well. She related the two boys closely; as brotherly figures to her." His smirk grew wider, and Yue felt his heart sink. "Poor boy. I'm sure he's figured it out by now."

'Yet he's still fighting hitsuzen…and going back for her…'

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura found that the only time she truly felt safe was when she was in the safety of her dreams. They didn't confuse her. They didn't make her wonder. They were purely in her mind.

But somehow, her dream in the washroom was too real to be in her mind. It was similar to…a memory. The clarity of it frightened her. Now, Sakura was getting more and more visions of a smaller her, playing and crying, learning and laughing…emotionless and stiff.

It was as though she was still five, and had never lived the extra nine or ten years that she had. Sakura couldn't recall her classrooms…her locker combination…where her locker was to begin with.

Yet she could remember exactly what dress she had worn on her fourth birthday, what her cake tasted like, and all the gifts she had received. She could remember a small boy named Syaoran, shyly handing her a messily-wrapped package. She could remember a tall, dark-haired boy watching their exchange with a grimace.

"_Happy birthday, Tanaka-san," he muttered, flushing._

"_Call me Sakura, nii-chan!" She smiled brightly, grabbing the package roughly out of his hands. The tape sticking out from the sides made a small gash in Sakura's sun-kissed skin. Syaoran yelled out, as did the dark-haired boy. He ran towards her as she tried to hold in her sniffles._

"_Kaijuu, are you alright?" the boy asked, pushing a horrified Syaoran out of his way._

_She looked at the both of them and smiled painfully._

"_Everything will be alright."_

She saw it as if it were a storybook of someone else's life; certain details were still missing. For the most part, emotion was absent. How did the little Sakura feel about everything? "How did she feel?!"

"You'll have to lose the rest of your current memories to gain those," came a voice from behind her. "Emotions aren't easy to decipher."

They were standing in the empty hallway of the A building. Sakura, lost. Syaoran, searching. Figuratively, he was searching for many things; an explanation, an apology, a confession…but it was not the time for any of that.

"Are you lost, Tanaka-san?"

"Call me Sakura…Syaoran," she replied coldly, making the boy shiver slightly. The request felt oddly familiar to him.

"Sakura, are you lost?" he asked again, forcing on a smile.

"In what way?" she whispered. "Can _you_ tell me what my problem is? Can you explain why I can't remember_anything_ unless it has something to do with you? Can you explain why I don't even know my own family members' names?!" Sakura choked back her tears, squeezing her eyes shut. She sank to the cold tiled floor, auburn bangs falling over her eyes. "Can you tell me what you are to me?"

Syaoran looked down at her, his smile fading. "I can."

She looked up in surprise.

"But that doesn't mean I will. It would overwhelm you right now. And that's no way to reach a solution." 'It would also hurt me a lot. If you knew, you'd hate me, and I'd have no way to get close to you…to save you.'

Sakura shook her head. "Why…why did you upset the Parents? Why did you leave so long ago?" Her green eyes were teary, but none were overflowing. "I don't know you, yet I know that somehow, you left…I heard the Parents…fighting…is that not completely insane? Am I like this because you came back?"

'Great,' Syaoran thought. 'She thinks this whole thing is my fault. "I can tell you one thing, Sakura. I am…_cursed_…with the power of Vision. I can make predictions and prophecies about the near future. But of course, it's usually spontaneous. There are many of us with these curses. I cannot explain why I left as of now…but the reason I came back…" He trailed off, not wanting to scare the girl.

"…was because I had a vision. About you. And I'm trying to stop it from coming true," he finished vaguely.

"You saw that this would happen to me?"

"More or less," Syaoran answered reluctantly, tired of lying to her. But it was necessary.

"What can you do?" she whispered, sounding extremely frustrated. "I have no idea what's happening." Sakura looked pitiful, crouched on the floor and shaking slightly. Syaoran moved towards her quietly and crouched down next to her. He draped two chiseled arms around her shoulders, patting her lightly.

Her body told her not to pull away.

The school bell rang, but neither of them noticed. Students began flooding in from their prisons.

"We'll fight fate together," Syaoran murmured softly with a small smile, letting his voice drown in the ocean of students rushing past them. "Everything will be alright."

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N: **For those who are wondering what Saitou is in relation to Syaoran…here's a Furuba comparison; Saitou is similar to Akito – bound by magic like the rest of the clan, only his magic is more of a curse than the rest. And his "lair" is similar to that of FWR from Tsubasa. He is…all-seeing when it comes to his comrades, I suppose.

I've been tempted to inset xxxHOLiC characters into this fic. But as not a lot of people actually read xxxHOLiC (despite how incredibly wonderful it is), the characters would just seem like OCs. And I hate using OCs. If there's another character with about the same personality, I'd use him/her. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anyone to be the big meanie Saitou, unless I did some major crossing-over from Furuba.

This'll be done in the next five days, if not less. Then, on to SxSer things.


	7. VII Closer

**N/A: **Not applicable.

**[ - - - - - - **

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre VII - Closer**

**[ - - - - - - **

_Life flies by_

_So you have to embrace it._

_Forget the past_

_Because you cannot erase it._

Eriol didn't know where he was going, or how he got there in the first place.

He had woken up that morning to find a black opening at the foot of his bed. Well, technically, he didn't find it until it had swallowed him up from his feet up.

The navy-haired boy stumbled over his own feet. His surroundings seemed hazy and his own body felt muted. But somehow, he knew he had to keep going forward. The ground under his shoeless toes feet felt slippery. Eriol wondered what it was made of, but could not bring himself to look down.

The tunnel – or was it a chamber? – felt narrow and neverending. Eventually, however, Eriol reached a dark opening much like the one that swallowed him earlier. 'What's this?' Fear flew through his veins as his feet carried him into the hole without consent.

_When all of your mistakes_

_Are keeping me awake…_

Syaoran woke up with a hideous feeling in his stomach.

He realized that he had no idea how he would go about helping Sakura.

Then he realized he was sleeping on something hard. Syaoran looked down and found himself on concrete. He felt something soft around his neck.

The two had journeyed to a subway station earlier, only to find it closed. They had settled down on whatever they could find; Sakura a bench and Syaoran the floor beneath the bench. It seemed as if over the course of the night, Sakura had fallen off.

Syaoran turned strawberry-red.

He got up slowly, trying not to disturb the sleeping figure. 'Poor girl.' Stretching, Syaoran walked around a little, taking in the area. He had walked to the ticket booth when he heard a small squeal.

"Hoeee…" Syaoran smiled slightly at the familiar phrase. The smile was immediately wiped off when he remembered his vision. 'First, she remembers everything from before the procedure…"

'…especially her memories with the one she was meant to forget…"

"Syaoran?" she mumbled groggily. "Did I fall?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I doubt that'd add much damage to my already-foiled memory," she joked. Sakura turned to the boy, eyes lighting up with juvenile excitement. "I think I've figured out what you were to me!" Syaoran's eyes widened.

"Oh?" His heart clamped to his throat.

"I used to consider you my best friend," she said sheepishly. "There's still a lot that doesn't fit. I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me though. But I'll try my hardest to help you help me." She smiled brightly at Syaoran.

He smiled back, though inside… _"…best friend…"_

_You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking.  
You hide behind the smile you're faking.  
It's all about the chance you're taking…_

"Those kids are really getting on my nerves."

"Mmm?"

"They're scared. They both are. But neither of them are showing it."

"That doesn't necessarily mean they will succeed, Master."

"Yes. But that Witch is meddling again. She's summoned one of the girl's friends to her shop. If he makes the right wish, they might actually make it."

"But if he doesn't, they'll be running around blindly while the girl's time is slowly pouring out, right?"

"Yes. You can't turn the hourglass over. It is _hitsuzen_ that the girl must die."

"But?"

"But I will take no chances."

"Who will you go after?"

"The extra boy. Toyama doesn't need to sense that someone is after them yet. Everything will work out."

A brown-haired girl smirked deviously. "You really will do everything to keep your family together, won't you, Master?"

"Yes, Nakuru. Go play with your boy toy while I…help fate along."

_Just because you paint a picture doesn't mean it fits the frame_

"Where am I now?" Eriol groaned, rubbing his temple.

"Ohayo!" Two small girls, one with blue hair and one with pink, simultaneously jumped out from behind a wall. Eriol jumped slightly, then noticed his surroundings. He was in an oriental-styled house. It was quite warm and smelled of incense.

He heard a woman's voice coming from another room. It was sharp and clear, yet she was speaking a language that Eriol did not comprehend. The girls replied, then gave him a devious look. Eriol shrank to the wall.

A tall woman entered the room with a very revealing outfit. Her midnight hair was extremely long and straight, and draped over her shoulders like a sash. Her bangs fell perfectly above her eyebrows. Her gaze was intense. She looked Japanese.

Eriol suddenly felt very very small.

Deciding to take a chance, he spoke to her in what little broken Japanese he knew.

"G-gomen. Ore wa Eri –"

"Is that any way to speak to a stranger, Eriol-kun?" the woman asked in flawless English. "Don't sweat it. I know all about you." She gave him a smile that resembled a hyena's. "Sakura has good taste. It was very good for her to become infatuated with a hunk like you. Though the glasses don't do at all…" The woman frowned, poking Eriol's forehead.

"I-I didn't mean to come in here! It's just that there was a –" Eriol cut himself off, wondering how it would sound if he told her that there was a huge black hole in his floor that led him here. He looked back to where he entered. It was just a normal door. Sweating, he attempted to calm himself down.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so rude, should I? I'm known to some as the Dimensional Witch, but you may call me Yuuko, because I'm sure we'll get to be good friends." She flashed him another hyena smile. "That black void you were thinking about is mine."

"W-why?"

Yuuko's playful expression disappeared.

"I need you to interfere with that man's plan."

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N: **Yes, Eriol is very OOC. But how would you feel if a black hole portal thingy transported you to Japan? I bet you'd be OOC too : D. Haha, the idea of the portal is from xxxHOLiC, where Yuuko takes Watanuki to a faraway city by portal instead of bus or train.

Okay, here's the disclaimer. I didn't want it at the beginning because that would ruin the effects of my N/A thing D:.

Story disclaimed.


	8. VIII How to Call a Bluff

**A/N: Late update D:. **Yeah I know I promised to end this horrible thing in five days or less. But I've had to write 3 summer camp essays on top of my homework. So bear with me while I try to finish this.

This chapter will be very boring, as there is only very minor SxS. Butttt, there's a whole lot of explaining. Go Yuuko!

I actually already have the epilogue written out.

**[ - - - - - - **

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre VIII – How to Call a Bluff**

**[ - - - - - - **

**1:25 AM**

The streets were clear of all light. It was yet another nighttime blackout in Kero Tanaka's neighborhood. No one was ever awake to see it happening, so technically, it did not matter, did it? But this night's blackout would matter greatly for three very different people.

A tall figure swept across the street. His trail was barely visible against the dark asphalt and the billowing shadows of the apartment complexes, heightened by the moonlight. Although it wouldn't show in his stride, the man was nervous; nervous that he was too late and nervous that they had already gotten him.

He selected a few bricks along the apartment building and began to climb. Like a spider, the man weaved his way along the overgrown ivy of the wall. The moon provided him no illumination, but he knew these walls by heart. His long limbs stretched gracefully over every mountable inch of the building.

At last, he reached his target. The man took out a sharp object and began to pick at the window of room 532. The rubber surrounding the glass weakened, then allowed him entrance. He climbed in just as stealthily. It was a bedroom. On the walls were stickers of trucks. On the floor, blocks were scattered, meshing into the furry rug.

The man allowed himself to breathe when he saw the lump on the bed. "Kero-chan, you're safe. I'm here," he whispered lightly.

It was then that he lost consciousness.

"Well, if it isn't Touya, our hero nii-chan," came a feminine voice from behind the curtains of the window. The woman held a syringe in her right hand. Her teeth reflected the moon's ominous glow as she smiled.

She strode casually over to the bed. "I guess he fell for it, plush bear." Her long fingers reached for the covers, revealing an overstuffed teddy bear.

"I knew something was wrong as soon as I found your cellar empty, Touya-chan. I was looking forward to playing with you, too," she continued to the unconscious figure. "But unfortunately for you, our resident Slay possessor misread the time on Master's orders, and came an hour early."

The woman smiled again, her features sharpening. "You may possess Sneak, and know how to utilize it, but no one can beat Luck." She grazed a finger along the unconscious Touya's cheek. "No one can beat Nakuru."

**[ - - - - - - **

"Some time ago, there lived a powerful magician by the name of Clow Reed. He and I were quite similar. But one major difference was that he possessed the power of the spirits."

Eriol gaped at the woman. "Spirits?"

"Yes, there are eight of them. Anger, Joy, Slay, Luck, Fate, Heal, Sorrow, and Vision. Clow was the original possessor of all eight. They were in balance; four good, and four bad," Yuuko continued, sounding extremely bored.

"Bad?" Eriol counted on his fingers. "I don't see four of them…"

"Anger, Luck, Sorrow, and Fate are considered the 'bad' ones. Though…"

"Why are Luck and Fate bad?" Eriol interrupted.

"It's quite complicated. You see, if your life is determined by luck alone, you will have no personal achievements, and it becomes extremely dull and pointless. All Luck possessors since Clow haven't lasted long. The same goes for fate. If your fate is already planned out for you, and you can see the fates of others yet cannot do anything to stop things…you become…"

"…helpless," Eriol finished, understanding. "What's this got to do with Sakura though?"

"Impatient kid," Yuuko replied, annoyed. "Just stop interrupting. I know you get it." She took a sip of sake. Eriol noticed her wide variety and supply of the stuff. "Clow possessed all eight spirits, as I said earlier. This was important, as every spirit balanced each other out. When Clow foresaw his own death, he couldn't bear to give up his gifts, yet he could not bear having someone else possess all of them, and challenge his memory. So, as a solution to that, the devious man bestowed each gift onto a different member of his family. He was human of course, so he gave the worse ones to the people he did not like. They all eventually became curses, however."

Yuuko finished another sake bottle. Eriol resisted interrupting.

"The curses were passed on from generation to generation. When each possessor was dying, they would name a new one. For the better spirits, the possessors would choose someone they think would benefit. For the malevolent ones, the possessors would choose someone they truly despise. It is not a curse I would wish upon anyone. But then again, the original possessors of the four bad spirits were bitter to begin with."

Something clicked in Eriol's mind, and he couldn't help his words from coming out. "Why is Slay a good spirit?"

Yuuko smirked. "Took you long enough, boy. Slay is a highly controlled and disciplined spirit. With it, you have immense power. So consequently, Slay is always passed on to someone who can control it." She looked at Eriol expectantly.

He took it as his cue to ask questions.

"Why can't the possessors just let the spirits die out and not pass them on?"

**[ - - - - - - **

**2:30 AM**

"Meilin. You have brought the boy?" a cold voice drawled.

"Yes sir."

"I'm not 'sir', girl. I am master," he sneered dangerously.

Meilin nodded, but made no further acknowledgement to his commands.

"Now, Meilin, you will play your part." The Chinese girl looked up, ruby eyes confused.

"You only said to bring the boy. I cannot do any more to harm them…Saitou."

"No, you will not be harming them. You will be providing me with the weapon to harm them." Saitou suddenly struck forth with amazing speed, grasping Meilin's neck tightly. "How have you been enjoying your new spirit, Meilin? Slay is one powerful little devil, isn't he? Is he overwhelming your body yet? Why don't I help you get him off?" He chuckled at his own suggestive comments.

"You can't hurt me," Meilin managed through the man's crooked fingers.

"My spirit may not affect you, and yours is powerless against me, but what are weapons for?" Saitou drew out a long katana.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to transfer Slay to_ that_ boy." He jabbed a crooked finger at Kero Tanaka, cowering in the corner. Meilin's eyes watered slightly.

'I shouldn't have trusted him.'

"Even if I gave him Slay, he wouldn't do anything to harm his own cousin."

Saitou laughed malevolently at that. "Silly girl. I was able to remove the girl Tanaka's memory from her. What makes you think I can't easily manipulate this puny boy?"

"Well you didn't succeed with Sakura, did you?"

"That is not of your concern."

"That's why Syaoran went back. Because you didn't succeed. You didn't allow her to go on normally. You didn't see that Syaoran would do anything for her to _live normally_." Meilin's voice was coming in small rasps.

"SHUT UP!"

"What makes you think I'll transfer Slay to the boy?"

"Because if you do not, I'll do the job myself after killing you. Sakura is not a possessor of a spirit. Anger would work against her. And she would be tortured before she died. What a pleasant way to die."

"Then why don't you just do that?" Meilin asked, feigning courage. If only she could get out and warn them…

"Because it's much cleaner this way. Syaoran and the rest of the possessors do not need to know about my involvement in this," he sneered, obviously proud of his antics. "We can go on as we were supposed to before that girl came along!"

"Everyone is happier this way…" Meilin murmured.

"NO! EVERYONE IS HAPPIER WHEN ALL OF US ARE TOGETHER!" he screamed, losing control. His eyes widened and Meilin felt the fingers loosen. "No one ever liked you Meilin! Just count on that mother of the boy to pass on Slay to a person like you. She must've thought you're too kindhearted to kill anyone. She must've thought you'd be the one to resist my authority!" Meilin could count all the red lines in his eyeball. "Well you know what? She thought wrong."

Saitou had reached the climax of his oration, and was now panting feverishly. She took that as her cue to knee the old man in the stomach. His dagger fell onto the concrete with a clang that reverberated throughout the chamber.

Meilin ran as fast as she could, grabbing Kero on her way out. She counted all the lives she took, as usual.

'Seventy, seventy-one…' With each guard that fell, Meilin felt a small pang in her heart. For a Slay possessor, Meilin's life count was unusually low.

'Seventy-five…"

But all that mattered now was getting to Syaoran and Sakura…or Saitou would ruin the one thing he strived to preserve.

**[ - - - - - - **

"_Because if they do not pass the spirit on, they will never die. They will simply live in a soulless pain for all of eternity. That was Clow's dying gift to the world."_

**3:00 AM**

Syaoran recalled his first lessons on his spirit. Vision. It had seemed so mystical that he had not foreseen the consequences of bearing such a responsibility.

They were on the overnight metro to New York. Sakura was sleeping soundly, her head resting lightly on Syaoran's lap. 'The farther away from where they can find us, the better.'

He remembered his first flight over from Japan. He had been three at the time, and his mother had been taking him to visit another one of the possessors – the only one Saitou allowed out of his sight – though that would not last for long.

It was because he had a family. A real family, unlike the one Syaoran belonged to.

His name was Touya, and he possessed Sneak, the ninth spirit. It as a spirit Clow Reed had kept very much to himself, giving it to the most secluded of his family members. It fit the name perfectly. Sneak was passed on for generations, and was never seen as a normal part of Saitou's family.

Syaoran had been nervous, imagining all sorts of appearances for the possessor of Sneak – creepy hair, dark eyes, tall yet stealth frame. And for the most part, he was right.

But what he didn't expect was his younger sister, a carefree two-year-old with the brightest green eyes he had ever seen. Her smiles brought him more joy than the spirit Joy ever could.

His mother was a very important person to Saitou. He did not wish to displease her, and therefore granted her permission to live in America with her son.

Syaoran had been ecstatic. One reason was that his real name, meaning obedient, was a torture to have in Saitou's presence, as he would abuse it.

Another reason was the girl, Sakura.

And she was with him again, though he did not know how long that would last. "…best friend…" Syaoran smiled slightly. At least he was something to her.

Another thought hit his mind. A frown covered his features. If Sakura asked him to explain in just the right way…he'd have to tell her…

**[ - - - - - - **

When Sakura dreamt, she usually dreamt of terrible memories, distorting themselves around her. That night, on the metro with Syaoran, however, her dreams were anything but normal.

She found herself under a cherry tree. With her was a ghost-like figure with a summer dress. Sakura couldn't make out her face.

"What do you care about most, Sakura?"

Sakura was startled.

"I-I don't remember."

"You don't have to remember. What do you care about most?"

"What do you mean?"

"Out of all the memories you lost…you still have some. Why do you think that is?"

Sakura pondered the question for a second.

"Do you know why this is happening?"

The apparition smiled. "I do. And you do too. But now is not the time." She started to fade.

"WAIT! Why…how come in all my memories, someone speaks of an operation?"

The apparition simply smiled again, and continued to dissolve amongst the falling cherry blossom petals.

"…why did I have the operation to begin with?"

Sakura realized she was talking to herself. There was no one under the cherry tree. And maybe there was never anyone at all.

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N:** So, to recap. She had an operation for (x). It had something to do with Syaoran and a vision of his. It also has to do with his mother. So what could (x) be: D.

This was a lot longer than I thought. Probably because I wrote superlong paragraphs. Yay.


	9. IX Remembering

**A/N: **The penultimate real chapter!

I actually wrote this yesterday, but somehow Word messed up half the document. That made me mad. The first version was so much better :(.

This chapter is now disclaimed in conjunction with chapter eight, which I forgot to disclaim D:.

**[ - - - - - - **

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre IX – Remembering**

**[ - - - - - - **

'This is getting way too complicated,' Eriol thought bitterly. His entire lower body was numb from sitting there, listening to the Witch jabbering on and on… "I'm sorry Yuuko-san. I really enjoyed your little story, but I really need to get to school –"

Yuuko glared at him, stopping Eriol in mid-sentence. "Do you think I'm telling you all this so you can do well on your next English assignment?"

"I can't say. I really don't have any idea what this has to do with me. Do you simply wish for me to wish that everything will be fine for those two when I don't even have a clue what the hell is wrong with them in the first place?"

"I can not wish such a thing from you. That would go beyond the limits of interference." Yuuko sighed miserably. "I can only hope that you make the right wish."

"Why can't you just portal the new kid over here to make a wish? Why would I wish for them?" Eriol continued stubbornly. "You do know that I have no idea what you're talking about or how any of this connects, right?"

The Witch shook her head in mock disappointment. "I thought Clow would've at least been kind enough to bestow his reincarnation some generosity. But your attitude is exactly like his, stubborn boy." Eriol's eyes widened. "He didn't even leave you with any memories of what you're supposed to do. He just enjoys making my job harder, doesn't he?" She smiled devilishly.

'Reincarnation? Has this woman had too much sake?' He looked at the half-empty bottle in her hand. 'Probably.'

Yuuko stared at him, completely serious now. "Listen, boy. It is inevitable…hitsuzen…that you will be the one to break the curse and untangle that poor girl from the mess Clow created."

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura woke to a familiar face. Unconsciously, she smiled.

"Good morning, Sakura. Have you ever been to New York City before?" Syaoran wanted to slap himself as his words came out. 'She's lost her memories, you idiot!'

To his relief, Sakura simply smiled. "I'm not sure, but a second visit is always nice." Syaoran glanced at her. The emerald eyes looked more blank than ever. His heart sped up. They wouldn't have much time left at this rate. He would have to find help from someone inside the family.

But for now, all that mattered was keeping under the radar. They were in New York City after all – the world was in their hands, which also meant they were exposed to the world.

"Uhhh, what do you want to do, Sakura?" Syaoran asked awkwardly.

She looked around, still smiling blankly. Her eyes fell onto a small green motorcycle lying motionless on the asphalt, and they lit up. "I have a feeling that I've always wanted to ride one of those. It's a beautiful colour…" She frowned at the last statement.

"Yes, green is a nice colour," Syaoran murmured softly, allowing himself another guilty look at her eyes.

He knew New York, and in New York, a bike would not be missed for long.

"What the hell, why not?"

Sakura smiled her blank smile again, and climbed on to the machine. She beckoned for him to follow. Syaoran climbed on after her, relieved when she didn't pull away from his hold. 'Another plus. This would be perfect for a quick getaway.'

As they pulled out into the street, Sakura's eyes flickered slightly. The wind stabbing at their faces pulled her out of her daze. "Hoee!" she exclaimed as she finally realized that she was speeding unprotected across New York City, past hundreds of uncaring extras. Then, she remembered her dream.

"Syaoran!"

"Hmm?"

"What's happening?" she yelled over the roar of the motorcycle. Tears blew from her eyes and onto Syaoran's face.

Sakura felt helpless. Distracted by her sudden distress, Syaoran lost control of the bike…

**[ - - - - - - **

"Clow Reed was anything but a blunt man. He knew that when separated, the spirits could eventually take over their human hosts and ruin the balance of our world. So he created a backdoor to the curse – you."

"You, my boy, would be the only one who has the power to reunite all the spirits again."

"But wasn't Clow…old?" Eriol wondered out loud, still disbelieving. So was his life all a game? Was he not a normal person, but a _creation _of some sick-minded magician?

"He didn't create you immediately. He only made it so that one day you would be born when you were needed most," Yuuko explained. "It's quite complicated magic on his part."

"Anyways, two decades or so back, Saitou found out about the backdoor. He didn't know of your existence – as you hadn't existed – but felt that his power was being severely threatened. Saitou was always scared of being alone, and depended on the support and service of his family members. The idea of having the one thing that tied them together be taken away was blasphemous to him. Saitou decided that if all the possessors trusted each other and drew power from each other, they would balance out without you, and you would never be required to come into the picture. He vowed to do everything and anything to keep his family together."

"Sixteen years ago, however, he went too far."

"When Yelan Toyama, the possessor of Slay, was expecting a boy who would be the future possessor of Vision after the previous host died, Saitou saw a golden opportunity; he ordered Yelan to name the boy Jun, meaning obedient in Japanese, using Yelan's husband as bait. He as a mortal would not be able to withstand Saitou's Anger. But the man knew about the power of names, and would've rather given his life…but Saitou eventually won. Yelan was never very good at resisting."

"All of the other possessors were already established and in tune with their spirits, so Saitou could not give himself any more control over them. But at least he would have Vision. His purpose was so that one day, he could have total control over Vision. All of Saitou's decisions would be confident and backed – Vision, after all, gives one the power to predict the immediate consequences of an action. Jun Toyama would tell Saitou everything he needed to know. The family would never fall apart due to rash mistakes. Fortunately, the power of the name did not last long enough for the tyrant to gain any knowledge."

Eriol nodded sullenly, feeling thankful for his normal family. "And Sakura?"

"The breaking point. Saitou's family seemed perfect at that point. There was internal corruption, but the spirits were together, and that was all that mattered in preventing the backdoor," she gestured towards Eriol, "from activating. Unfortunately for Saitou, when the boy went on a trip to America with his mother, the three-year-old Jun met Sakura. He gained a new name from her." She took a deep breath. "Names are a funny thing, Eriol. A name is not something that you are bound to by birth; it is simply what you respond to and know yourself as. Natually, the power of Syaoran's former name demised with time.

"Saitou was furious – furious that the possessors might all leave his side, furious that his family was at risk of breaking apart, and most of all, furious about the influence he had lost. The source of all his fury was Sakura."

"All of the possessors loved the eternally cheerful and spirited girl though, so he could not do anything; it would not be clean, and would greatly diminish his leadership. So he decided to target her parents instead. Syaoran made the grave mistake to share his vision that one day, Sakura's mother would die. It was a harmless comment, really, as all humans die. He didn't know any better either – he was only six."

"Consequently, Saitou took advantage of his mistake and the Tanaka parents' already-crumbling relationship. Creating a portal out of the country, he left his throne for the first time in fifty years. He used his spirit to tamper with Nadeshiko Tanaka's emotions. She became crazed, and insisted on Syaoran leaving. Sadly, no one noticed."

"…except you?"

Yuuko smirked slyly. "I am the Dimensional Witch, you know. Portals trigger an alarm right up here." She tapped her skull.

"Of course," Eriol muttered.

"Unfortunately for her, Sakura had already grown quite attached to the boy at age five. She would scream and cry every day. Her mother then made a demand to the head of Syaoran's family…Saitou."

"She commanded him to remove Sakura's memories of Syaoran, as it was his family's fault. Even in the magical world, magic cannot be performed without a price. Saitou demanded that Syaoran pay. Yelan did not wish to hurt her only child, and gave her soul in exchange for Sakura's operation, which Saitou performed."

"So wouldn't that end there? With everyone back together and everything forgotten?" Eriol queried, attempting to be the eternal optimist.

"Saitou had hoped so. But unfortunately, Yelan was killed by her husband, who attempted to relieve her of her soulless existence. He killed himself shortly after. Saitou lost control of Slay. That deepened his hate for Sakura, and it also deepened Syaoran's perpetual longing for someone who cared for him – he was parentless."

"Sakura's procedure also went horribly wrong in Saitou's uncaring haste. She forgot too much – much more than just the boy, and lost most of her spirit. Sometimes only fragments of her memories were erased, and so she always knew something was missing."

"Of course, Syaoran's spirit allowed him to see this. And he went back to her."

Yuuko had around her 10 empty bottles of sake. "Can you be a good boy and get me more to drink?" She smiled deviously. "Then, we can talk about your wish."

**[ - - - - - - **

As they flew through the air, the daggers of wind cutting at his vision forced Syaoran to squeeze his eyes shut. That was why he did not see the dark portal opening up before him; before the hundreds of mortals watching.

But he sure as hell felt it.

The two landed onto the slippery surface of the portal's interior and the opening closed behind them. The motorcycle slid on, disappearing into the darkness. But not before dumping Sakura and Syaoran before of a pair of red eyes.

Sakura groaned slightly, feeling the pressure of Syaoran's tight grasp. Her surroundings became hazy.

A loud feminine voice began speaking nervously. "Syaoran Toyama. What the hell have you been doing? Saitou is behind all this, and he's coming right now, so –"

A faint shadow could been seen approaching from the other side of the tunnel. Meilin's back was turned.

"Meilin?" was the last thing she was sure she heard before she saw an even darker blackness than that of the void that swallowed her.

"Saitou-sama! What's going –" A scream followed the boy's confused words.

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N: **Well, that was pretty boring. The next chapter will be much less talking and a lot more hurting. Fun.

I think this fic is becoming more Yuuko x Eriol than anything oo.

A scream? I wonder who will die. Or maybe there will be more than one "who" (:.

Next chapter will be up soon, and it'll be the last before the epilogue.


	10. X Murder Over the Radio

**N/A: **Alright, last chapter… (:

…disclaimed.

**[ - - - - - - **

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Chapitre X – Murder Over the Radio**

**[ - - - - - - **

"Sakura…"

Sakura moaned slightly, hearing a melodic call.

"Sakura…"

Her eyelids slowly parted. She was in the dream again. The same cherry tree…the same presence.

"Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter who I am, only what you have to do for the people out there."

Sakura cocked an eyebrow. "Out there?" She took another look at her surroundings and inhaled sharply. The entire world was hazy outside the protection of the cherry tree. 'Kind of like my mind…' Yet there was a hazy blur over the speaking figure as well.

"You may not be the one who is able to break the curse, but there is always something you can do to help," it said again. Sakura realized that she could not decipher the figure's gender. Its voice came to her in a frequency too high for her ears to process. What Sakura had originally seen as a dress could've been a male's robe for all she knew.

"But I don't know what's going on anymore! I don't understand…I…" Her words sounded choked and teary.

"It doesn't matter. As long as you know which side to help, everything will be alright. Now you must wake up, before it's too late, and your most important person disappears…don't break your promise."

**[ - - - - - - **

A soft chime came from outside. Eriol's head instinctively turned. The source was a small round porcelain bell hanging from the roof over the front porch.

"It's started," Yuuko stated casually, taking out another bottle of sake. She didn't look once at the bell. "Well, Eriol, you've delayed your wish for too long. Now your wish has to change."

"What?" Eriol asked over the jingling of the bell.

"The battle has started. If you hadn't been such a blunt little kid, the problem would be solved already." The Witch strode over to the boy and placed a hand on the back of his head. Eriol choked slightly as her scent engulfed him. Her hand emerged from behind his head holding a small chip. "My dear Saitou, you're about to lose more than just your powers." She turned back to Eriol, grinning slyly at his dazed expression. Yuuko held the small object to his face.

"This, my boy, is why you've been acting so weird. Clow would've never created someone so rude and dull. Saitou has been trying to delay your wish."

"You didn't sense his portal," Eriol stated. Yuuko smiled.

"That's more like the Eriol I thought I'd meet." She yawned. "I did sense it, actually. Two of them. One, I assumed, was one opened by Meilin, attempting to warn her cousin of Saitou's intentions. The second was assumed to be Saitou's." She looked at the sky dreamily. "I was so intent on making you understand that I didn't bother to investigate the portals more. I'm very used to being right, you know?"

Eriol smiled back. "I'm sure."

"I'm quite positive one of the portals was opened by Nakuru, possessor of Luck. Her Luck would've surely created a situation like this."

"So Luck aided her in planting the chip on me so that I would act like a complete idiot. My wish would've been too late," Eriol finished.

"Exactly."

"I'm not as smart as you think, Yuuko-san," Eriol continued, grinning. "There is still one thing I don't understand." There was a pause. "Why is it 'too late'?"

Yuuko looked at him sadly. "Even if you put a lockdown onto the spirits, Sakura and Syaoran will still die. Saitou no doubt has both the weapon and knowledge advantage in this situation."

Eriol thought about this for a second. "Yuuko-san, I believe I am ready to wish."

"Yes?"

"I…I wish for Saitou's demise."

Yuuko nodded sullenly, hidden emotions flickering in the depths of her eyes. "The price, then…"

**[ - - - - - - **

Sakura woke to a sharp pain in her temple. It pierced her skull like a sharp dagger, forcing out her voice. Her own scream sounded foreign to her ringing ears. She could hear the menacing laughter of an old man, and the desperate yells of… "Syaoran…"

"Sakura!" Syaoran ran over to her, cradling her head to his chest. He looked to the older man, fear evident in his voice. "What are you doing, Saitou-sama? Is this all a joke? What have you done to Meilin?!" In his arms, Sakura shuddered slightly, Saitou's uncontrollable rage rubbing off on her.

The man ignored Syaoran, staring directly at Sakura. He walked towards them, stepping over a limp, shadowed body on the way. His glare lighted with anger and resentment, and Sakura felt the dagger again. 'This man…he isn't normal.' The thought was immediately driven from her mind as pain entered again, full force.

"Stop it, Master!" a new voice called out. A silver-haired man appeared from somewhere inside the tunnel. Immediately, Sakura felt the pain release.

'I have to end this. I have nothing left to lose…' She looked up at Syaoran, his jaw clenched tight in frustration. He was fingering his pendant nervously. '…except him. It's obviously me that the man hates. And I can't do anything. Unless I…'

With a burst of courage, Sakura burst out of Syaoran's grasp. She ran past the men and deeper into the tunnel. Her courage immediately evaporated as she realized how hard it was to run in the portal. Every step she took sent her skidding either two steps forward or one step back.

"Where do you think you're going, girl?" the old man snarled. "I've been waiting ten years to kill you, and now I have my chance." He chuckled, following her effortlessly.

"No! Sakura!" Syaoran yelled.

'Get your finger back on that pendant, Syaoran you baka,' Sakura thought desperately. 'Don't worry about me.' But she knew it was no use.

She was too far out to turn back without hurting everyone. 'This is the end.' Sakura looked back at the limp form on the floor. She could make out deep red eyes, open even in death. A small trickle of dry blood clung to the girl's forehead. 'It's somehow all my fault.'

Sakura could feel the old man getting closer; her head started to tingle again. She could see Syaoran, running in vain to try to reach them. The gray-haired man stood in one spot, his eyes closed in concentration. 'Stop it,' she wanted to tell him. 'Let him finish this.'

"Sakura, stop!" she head Syaoran yell. "You're reaching the end of the dimension!"

But Sakura couldn't stop. Her feet slid on and on, unyielding even to the protests of her brain. 'Hitsuzen'. Somehow, that word came to mind. It felt like the perfect explanation for everything. Sakura wanted to laugh, but it never came. She had already fallen into the void.

In death, everything becomes clear. Sakura felt that clarity as her soul fell, weightless, past the barriers and laws of humankind. She had finally regained her memories – in the worst of situations.

**[ - - - - - - **

Syaoran lunged forward, catching Sakura's body as it separated from her soul. As if making one last gesture, the girl's lips fell straight towards Syaoran's racing heart.

"How sweet," Saitou mocked at his tearless sorrow. "It would've been a shame if I had to kill you too, Jun. You're lucky you didn't get in the way."

Syaoran would've rather gotten in the way. He sent an icy glare towards the head of his family. No sound could come out from his mouth.

Seeing the boy's pained look, Saitou couldn't help but smile. "All that matters is that the spirits are together again. And no one can take them away from my side now."

"That's where you're wrong," another voice said. Yue stepped between the two. "What will the family think about your actions here? They will all find out, of course, considering Meilin is dead and we are witnesses." Syaoran was surprised by mellow Yue's sudden rebellion.

Saitou smiled evilly. "It doesn't matter. Because after today, you two would have forgotten this little event."

Syaoran flinched, reaching instinctively for his pendant.

But there was no need, as at that moment, Saitou let out a huge gasp.

His body twisted and contorted, limbs thrashing around as if an invisible sword had penetrated through his very soul. The other two men watched in shock at the development. After a while, the older man crumpled onto the floor in a distorted heap of limbs, eyes open in horror.

Anger was gone.

**[ - - - - - - **

A teenage boy with navy blue hair and eyes woke up to find himself in a soft bed. He looked around himself, confused. He moved to the window and looked outside. There were students around, all with black hair and brown eyes. The boys wore identical suits and the girls wore skirts and high socks. They seemed happy.

"Where am I?"

The boy moved around the small room, ultimately finding himself in front of a large mirror.

"Who am I?"

**[ - - - - - - **

"_Syaoran, are you afraid of telling me things because of that mean man?" Sakura had her head propped in her hands and was staring curiously at the boy. Syaoran looked back at her in surprise._

"_I –"_

"_Don't worry, Syaoran. I'll save you from him. No one can bring me down. He won't scare you anymore. I promise." She smiled at him cheerfully, eyes reflecting her excitement at the prospect of protecting Syaoran like he had protected her._

"_Thank you, Sakura," Syaoran replied disbelievingly. But he still felt a twinge of happiness that she cared._

"_Everything will be alright; I always keep my promises!"_

"Looks like you've kept that one too, Sakura. Thank you."

**[ - - - - - - **

A/N: In case you didn't get the Eriol part near the end…he lost his memories. I was originally going to have him die, but that doesn't seem like an appropriate price Yuuko would ask for just to get rid of someone. Then again, maybe a life for a life.

Oh, and if you didn't get that part either – the Saitou-dying part was when Eriol's veryvery late wish was granted and he had paid the price.


	11. Epilogue

**[ Nothing Left to Lose **

**Epilogue**

_**If there's nothing left to lose…then there's everything to gain.**_

**[ - - - - - - **

Fall hailed the arrival of fallen angels. They floated amongst the leaves, dancing with the wind. They took a few second to admire the beauty of Earth, then went on to complete their separate tasks.

Fall hailed visitors to Sakura's home.

"Hello Sakura, how are you today?" asked one. He wasn't a visitor who only came in the fall. He was one who visited her every day. Even the owners of Sakura's home would say, "Is it that man again? What kind of flowers did he bring today?"

The visitor laid down a bouquet of peonies onto the soft, fertile soil. He took pleasure in alternating between cherry blossoms, her favourite, and peonies, his. But he would often bring roses and tulips as well, depending on the season.

On this day, however, peonies were necessary.

"Sakura. We all miss you. Eriol – if he could remember, I'm sure he would –, Tomoyo…your mother cries for you in her sleep. She really does care for you, Sakura. No matter how much you want to deny it." He smiled awkwardly.

"It's been a year since you left, hasn't it?" he asked softly, looking up at the sky. The visitor's tears fell back into his eyes. On cloudless days like today, tears were inappropriate. Yet he felt this way every time he visited.

"Yue wants me back. Since Saitou's death, things at the Clan have been chaotic. He says I'm the only one who can clean up the mess. I guess things really do get messy when you find out your leader and a few others were plotting against someone in your own family." He chuckled humourlessly. "I believe our powers are diminishing without all eight spirits present."

"So…I suppose this is goodbye."

Sakura remained silent as always. The visitor knew she was listening though. She was always listening.

_"Don't worry, Syaoran! You can tell me anything!"_

At the memory, the visitor felt his throat dry up. Sometimes he wished his own memories would disappear like hers. He had come to tell her something very important, but now he knew it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter to her whether she heard it back then or if she heard it now.

But it would matter if he never told her at all. The visitor averted his gaze to the dull granite tombstone. It was ironic that even in death, her surroundings did not suit her.

"You're my most important person."

He had let them go; let his feelings leave with the fallen angels who had come down to collect them. It wouldn't hurt to say it again.

"Sakura, I love you."

But it did hurt. And from somewhere out there, a pair of lips were called in to kiss his broken heart once more. _And I you…Syaoran._

_The sun is setting and it's ending _

_Because you're letting it go,  
Forgetting everything you already know.  
And it all goes to show that_

_You're moving to slow.  
It will end up changing you._

**[ - - - - - - **

**A/N: **It's overrrrr. Finally. I felt like adding a little depressing mushiness to this one, to make up for the lack of mushiness in the entire fic.

Lyrics by My Favourite Highway. I felt that "You're Making It Come Alive" lyrics were perfect for this entire fic. The whole "fitting the frame" and "letting it go" thing.

I totally changed the genre. I don't know what to put for it. Even now, it doesn't seem to fit.


End file.
